Note: This question has been edited for publication.

QUESTION

I’ve struggled with predestination and how not to become hyper-Calvinistic. The Lord opens our ears to understanding, He opens our hearts to trust and have faith, He is the one who draws us. It is ultimately Him—scripture is clear. I’m not sure how to phrase the question other than, how do we find peace that He created our neighbor against their will to be destined to hell? Ultimately, none of us have a choice on whether we’re saved or not and it’s very difficult for me to find peace no matter how many times I read Romans. It’s even difficult for me to not push back on every command in scripture. How can one obey without the Lord, so how is it their fault if He has not given them the strength to obey (e.g., Saul’s heart being hardened, Judas betraying Jesus)? I grieve for these men in a sympathetic way… Is that wrong?

Our children, our family, our neighbors, our friends. We were all created against our will to be destined for either heaven or hell. I understand we are vessels and He uses means to share the Good News but this doesn’t bring me peace. It’s still ultimately already decided. My children are already decided and this grieves me if in fact they are not saved. There’s nothing I can do to change that—no matter how much prayer, no matter how much we have conversations, etc., daily.

If I keep peeling back the layers, it really comes down to asking why did He allow Adam and Eve to sin in the first place? It feels that we’re in one giant storybook of suffering and some will be saved and some not—and none of it is in anyone’s control. And to be frank, I don’t want it to be! I don’t want the risk of salvation being lost based on my faith. I’m thankful for God’s faithfulness and promise that once we are His, we are His. So this is where I struggle. If through one man sin entered into the world, and through one Man our sin is saved, why is it that when sin entered into the world it went to everybody, yet through Jesus not everyone is saved? I know none of us deserve salvation. So why me and not my neighbor—which is precisely why the gift is a miracle. But I grieve and grieve for those who aren’t saved. Eternity in hell—and there was no hope since the moment of conception. I can’t bear it. I feel I had more zeal for the gospel when I was Arminian.

I know this is a lengthy question and again I’ve read over and over the catechisms, the scripture references, and the countless perspectives Reformed believers have, and yet I find myself being underlyingly bitter towards God and I don’t want to be.

Where does choice fit in, because we do have choice in every day life and it seems odd to me that choice would have no bearing if God created it as a thing?

Our kiddos are already asking these hard questions, which is wonderful, but I don’t know how to explain to them the balance between choice and free will without sounding like we are in fact robots all here just waiting to be saved or not saved. This Gospel doesn’t sound comforting or life giving.

I really, really don’t want to be this way and wish to have the peace that so many Christians seemed to have found with this issue. I hate being angry at God and desire contentment. Thanks ♥️

ANSWER

Thanks for the question, sister. Or should I say, questions. 🙂

You’re not the only one who struggles with this. In fact, it’s something I struggle with as well. There are some things that are easier and some things that are harder to submit our will to God in. I’d put this in the harder category. I think most honest Christians would do the same.

First, would you please read this post written in response to a very similar question from someone last year?

In answering your question, I’d like to focus on aspects that aren’t already covered in that previous post.

Against Our Will?

First, you said several times that we are created “against our will” to be saved or to be damned. This is simply not true. Those who go to destruction go willingly rebelling against God, not humbly bowing their knee to Jesus. Those who go to eternal life go willingly clinging to Jesus, not kicking and screaming asking to go to Hell.

Judas’s betrayal may have been foreknown and even determined by God, but it was not “against” his will. It only would have been “against” his will if what he really wanted to do was worship and honor Jesus. But that was not Judas’s desire; all he wanted was thirty pieces of silver. But God used Judas’s evil will to accomplish His own good purposes. Scripture clearly teaches God’s ability to do this. Joseph told his brothers about their selling him into slavery and faking his death, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive” (Gen. 50:20).

Somehow, God uses the will of man (good or evil) to accomplish His own perfect will. How is that possible? I don’t know, and I believe our created minds are too limited to comprehend it. We can either accuse God of evil because of our own limited ability to understand His ways, or we can say, “God, You know what You’re doing.”

God’s Use of Means

God’s use of the will of man is just one example of His use of means in this world. Another example is God’s use of prayer. Scripture repeatedly teaches that things change when God’s people pray. How can this be, when God knows the beginning from the end? Again, I have no idea. Only God is wise enough and transcendent enough to understand that. It may be so far beyond our human minds that even in glory we won’t be able to comprehend it. In any case, do not believe Satan’s lie that it doesn’t matter how much you pray for your children’s souls. That’s just not what God’s Word teaches. Read Jesus’ parable of the importunate widow in Luke 18:1–8 for encouragement. God hears and responds to the prayers of His people.

God’s use of means also applies to the saving of souls through the preaching of the Gospel (including in the lives of our children). There is a time when those who will be saved have not yet been saved and still sit under the judgment of God. If they want to be saved, they really must hear the Gospel and call on the name of the Lord Jesus. If they do not, they will not be saved. God may know what they are going to do when they hear the Gospel, but I don’t. Will God be pleased with me if I refuse to call them to repentance and faith, just because I in my great wisdom don’t know whether they will be saved or not?

In Romans 10, the Apostle Paul stresses the free offer of God’s grace in the Gospel and urges the preaching of the Gospel for the salvation of those who hear:

If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, abounding in riches for all who call on Him; for “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher? How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!” (Rom. 10:9–15)

This passage in Romans 10 leaves no room for misinterpreting the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans 9 as teaching that it doesn’t really matter whether or not we preach the Gospel. God says it is absolutely necessary, and that He uses the preaching of the Gospel to save souls.

The eternal state of someone’s soul may be decided in eternity, but it may not be decided right now, right here in time, and that’s where we exist. No one is saved without deciding that they will follow Jesus, and God is not lying when He says, “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.” We may not understand how these realities jive with God’s predestination, but again, something is not impossible just because we don’t understand it. There’s a fundamental limitation in our being creatures and in our existing in time and space that keeps us from fully understanding the thoughts and wisdom of the infinite God in these matters. Did God choose us in Christ before the foundation of the world (Eph. 1:4)? Yes. Does the bringing of our salvation into reality involve us ourselves choosing to follow Christ (Rom. 10:9), choosing to get baptized (Acts 2:38), and choosing to turn away from our sin (Matt. 4:17)? Yes.

As far as your children are concerned, you don’t need to labor under the burden of giving them a satisfactory explanation of the interplay between God’s sovereignty and our free will. We are to call our children to repentance and faith, not to a perfect understanding of the mind of God. If your children ask why people go to Hell, tell them what Scripture teaches, “that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience” because of their “immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed” (Col. 3:6, 5). You can then tell them with complete confidence that those who sit under the judgment of God for walking in such sins truly can be saved from destruction if they call on the name of the Lord Jesus (Col. 3:7; Eph. 5:8; 1 Cor. 6:11; Acts 10:8–13). No ifs, ands, or buts.

Adam and Eve

You asked, “Why did God allow Adam and Eve to sin in the first place?” I actually think the answer to this is pretty simple. God wanted to demonstrate the depth of His love by showing His love to sinners, which He did by sending His own beloved Son to die for them. If there were no sinners, God would not have been able to demonstrate His love in this way.

Then you ask, “Why doesn’t God save everyone?”

We could perhaps ask a different question to help us understand why God doesn’t save everyone: “What goes missing if everyone is saved?” The Apostle Paul offers one possible answer to this question: “What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory?” (Rom. 9:22–23, ESV). If God saved everyone, then creation would not get a full demonstration of the riches of His glory shown to vessels of mercy.

We should pay attention to what this passage teaches us about God’s treatment of the wicked. God actually shows great patience and kindness toward those who deserve to be destroyed. He showers blessings on them and even gives them opportunities to repent (Rom. 2:4; Acts 17:30). Of course, you may say they’re not real opportunities to repent. I say they are. But let’s say I’m wrong. Is it not still gracious of God to pour out undeserved blessings on those who hate Him? Would you rather they not experience any of the blessings of this life and be sent straight to Hell? You say, “Of course not, but—Hell!” And again we must ask ourselves: Do we believe that we, and all people, actually deserve Hell? Is God holy?

There’s a pervasive error in a lot of what passes for preaching the Gospel today. It says that being made in the image of God in and of itself makes us worthy of God’s grace and favor. This is just not true. The only thing that can make anyone worthy of God’s favor is perfect obedience to His perfect will. That means only one Man has ever proved Himself worthy of God’s favor: Jesus. If we’re not Jesus, we don’t deserve to be called children of God, we don’t deserve to be in God’s presence, we don’t deserve God’s love. We deserve His wrath. The only way we can deserve any good thing from God is to find ourselves in Christ, which is only possible through the cross. The cross was not something God did to prove how much we mattered to Him. He sent His Son to die for unworthy sinners so that we and all creation would marvel at the depths of His love. The Gospel teaches us how amazing God is, not how worthy we are.

“Who Are You, O Man?”

But enough for now with explanations.

In the end, this is one of those places in Scripture where we are plainly called to set aside our human wisdom and submit ourselves to God’s superior wisdom. There’s no way around it.

I’ve been helped recently thinking about the story of Ruth. God used painful afflictions in Naomi’s and Ruth’s lives (famine, being uprooted from their homes, deaths of husbands and sons) all to accomplish His good purposes (Naomi’s sanctification, Ruth’s salvation, the establishment of the family that would produce David and ultimately Jesus). During those trials, I’m sure they had no idea what God was accomplishing, and they may have even felt like they were trapped in a “storybook of suffering,” as you put it. This is especially the case when we consider they didn’t even live to see most of the good things God was accomplishing through them. Does that make God cruel?

We often don’t know what God is doing in the midst of our suffering. And as the Creator, He owes us no explanations. Nevertheless, He graciously gives us an explanation for many things, even revealing to us the mystery of His will in the Gospel itself! Through that Gospel, we have a promise from God that He is causing “all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). And that’s not an empty promise; He has given many examples in Scripture and even in our own lives that show us how He works things for our good.

The Source of Our Contentment

You say you desire contentment. Where do you want that contentment to come from? It seems like you may want it to come from a full understanding of God’s ways and of His reasons for doing the things He does. But that’s not where our contentment could possibly come from. Imagine, even if we were able to sit down with God and have Him explain everything, would there be time enough in the universe or space enough in our hearts to comprehend His ways?

Our contentment must come from trusting God as Father; and yes, this includes trusting Him and submitting our will to His will even when we don’t understand. And considering we will never fully understand the incomprehensible God, faith is our only hope for finding contentment in Him. If we trust Him, He will kindly reveal to us everything we need to know in His own good timing.

So, in the end, it comes down to this, sister: Are you going to trust God? (Yes, you really do have a choice.)

Love you and your family very much,
Alex